With the Best Intentions, On a New World

 

by Zvi Baranoff 

Rifka Leeba began her schooling a bit younger than most kinder in Moskve on Planet Shney. Being a precocious and bright meydl helped make her more prepared, perhaps. Of course, she had some familial advantages that also smoothed her integration to the scholastic environment. 

Rifka Leeba's grandfather, Dovid, after all, was the driving force behind the initial expedition from Planet Birobidzhan and ultimate settlement on Planet Shney. Planet Shney, like Planet Birobidzhan, had no government to speak of, and certainly no monarchy. Dovid was, however, an honored elder, a natural leader and a recognized ganze macher. In Moskve, he was sometimes affectionately referred to as Dovid Melech, King Dovid. By such association, that made Rifka Leeba a princess. Of course, there were already several similar princes and princesses attending the school, her gaggle of cousins. She certainly had no problems fitting in.

Baruch and Shmuli had an arrangement with Dovid concerning the education of his descendents. Rifka Leeba's tuition was covered by the arrangement. She was also willingly accepted as a student at a tender age that others with less connections may have encountered some discouragement. 

Rifka Leeba enjoyed attending school immensely. She excelled in her studies. She quickly learned the Aleph Beis and became a voracious reader. She also flourished in the social settings of the lunchroom, the playground, the school library, and the extra-curricular activities.

When she left school each day Moskve offered her lots of options for passing the time until dinner. 

Her father's office and pool hall was just a short walk, a skip and a jump from the school. At first, she was a bit short for the pool tables but she wasn't a bad shooter if she stood on a crate. Besides learning pool from her father, Nes taught her how to play poker, palm cards, deal off the bottom of the deck, and other such tricks which she found entertaining. However, as much as she loved being around her father, she usually only went straight to the pool hall one or two days a week. 

Sometimes Rifka Leeba would visit with her grandfather, Dovid. She loved her grandfather from the first encounter on the tarmac when she and her parents landed on Planet Shney. Dovid adored the meydl at first sight. It is true that Dovid was by then quite old and a bit slow but he always had treats in a secret pocket to share. He would pinch her and address her by the pet name, Tamar. Dovid would tell Rifka Leeba elaborate tales of Moshe Pipik, a child that lived on the Home Planet long ago, a child who built a rocket ship from a wooden crate and a variety of junk, flew to the moon, and beyond into distant space although he always made it home in time for dinner. 

Dovid assured Rifka Leeba that she was as sweet as a date and that was why he called her Tamar. The meydl had no reason to disbelieve her grandfather, but his reasons were more complicated than that. Rifka Leeba was named after Nes’ mother, Dovid's first love and favorite wife. Dovid mourned the loss of his wife. His heart would break every time if he were to call this child Rifka Leeba. Besides, Tamar is also the name of Dovid's dearest progeny and the meydl was the spitting image of his beloved daughter.

Rifka Leeba had dozens of cousins in Moskve, particularly the gaggle of kinder of Aunt Tamar's sons, Perez and Zerah. Several of the cousins were not much older than she and attended the same school. She was always welcomed to join them after school, playing games, studying, hiking and exploring, eating in their homes, and sometimes just hanging out.

By far, Rifka Leeba's favorite place to be, was in her Aunt Tamar's upstairs apartment above the bakery adjacent to the school. When classes let out, she could exit the school through the back door and climb the stairs to find Tamar. The apartment was cozy and filled with musical instruments. Tamar would often be practicing her violin when Rifka Leeba arrived. Soon, the child began learning to play the fiddle as well, lessons from her favorite aunt. Between lessons, they drank tea or schnapps, ate kikhlekh or majoun, and shared confidences. 

Shprintza Freyda was glad to have Rifka Leeba enrolled in school, allowing her to pursue her own interests. She was pleased to be living in Moskve, a shtot that was diverse and sophisticated compared to the provincial shtetl where she was raised. And, if she gave it much consideration, she was glad that Nes had the pool hall to go to rather than haunting around the house as he had done for too long. 

Six mornings a week, Nes walked Rifka Leeba to school and then he went to his office, and Shprintza Freyda was free of both husband and child. Shprintza Freyda went to the cafés, the library, and the theater. 

If Shprintza Freyda had remained in the shtetl on Planet Birobidzhan and married the same sort of man as her mother had, she likely would have a house full of children and no personal life to speak of. 

In Moskve on Planet Shney, it was not so unusual for women to bear far fewer kinder than those that lived on Planet Birobidzhan. The women of Planet Shney were interested in other activities beyond breeding and raising children. The founders of Moskve were not so much under the sway of rabbis or religious doctrine as those of Planet Birobidzhan. They assuredly had no obsession with being fruitful and multiplying. The women that had arrived on the Hatikvah had broken free of many of the restraints of the world they had left behind.

The original settlers were the passengers of the retrofitted Hatikvah. Their flight transcended the void for nearly a decade before the eight hundred or so pioneers disembarked on Planet Shney. They were families, bound together on Planet Birobidzhan, gathered carefully by Dovid, chosen for their specific skills and with cohesion reinforced by common visions inspired by the Mushrooms of Planet Shney. 

The population of Planet Shney increased through childbirth at a very slow rate. The population growth of Planet Shney was mostly the result of new immigrants. However, when the first of the shuttle flights arrived twelve years after the Hatikvah, the passengers were disproportionately male. They were men who came to a new world seeking their fortunes. 

Any change to the demographics of immigration was dependent on Nes’ scheme. The proof of his plans was yet in the unseen mists of an uncertain future. A great distance hung between the planets and the time required to travel between the two worlds was far from inconsequential. Nes was confident that his associates on Planet Birobidzhan would follow his direction with a minimal amount of skimming from his investments. That faith did not make the waiting so many years for a return any less frustrating. 

It was a two year shlep before his plans would reach his confidants on the distant world. It might very well take some time and finesse for the incentivization actually resulting in a significant increase in female emigration from Planet Birobidzhan and then another two years shlep back to Planet Shney. In the meantime, only a trickling of wives arrived on Planet Shney to join their husbands that had preceded them. 

Month by month, each shuttle arrived, mostly filled with men on their way to Sibir to seek their fortunes. And, month by month, the gender imbalance on Planet Shney increased. This would have been immediately disruptive if the new immigrants had remained in Moskve. Most of the new immigrants, however, dispersed into the wilderness of Sabir. There, the menschen worked hard, mostly on their own, and consoled themselves with schnapps when they found that life difficult. This postponed the inevitable social crisis of demographics that was unfolding on Planet Shney. 

While there certainly wasn't much to do in Sibir besides work and drink, Moskve also had a dearth of entertaining distractions, even though it was the only shtot on Planet Shney at that time. Nes’ pool hall helped to fill that void. There were enough locals that came to play pool and enjoyed a hand or two of poker to macht a leben but the real gelt came from gold miners with their ore and trappers with their pelts, men that had been out in the harsh wilderness of Sabir for many long and lonely months. Schnapps and a fast spinning dreidl were very effective means of separating excess gelt from miners and trappers. 

Nes tried to keep his mind busy with his small gambling house, which proved itself profitable. He even had to hire on some help with the place, ostensibly so that he could spend more evenings with his wife and daughter. That really was his intention, but his restlessness and shloflozikayt were only temporarily contained. Before long, his nocturnal wanderings began once more. 

Here are the links to the rest of the story as posted so far:

1 - The Miracle of Vilna on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/the-miracle-of-vilna-on-planet-shney.htm

2 - Nes and Shprintza Freyda Spin the Dreidl on Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/nes-and-shprintza-freyda-spin-dreidl-on.html?m=1

3 - From Shloflozikayt to the Vision of a Marvelous Shtot 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/from-shloflozikayt-to-vision-of.html

4 - A Strategy for the Yeshiva Takes Shape and Nes Opens a Pool Hall on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/a-strategy-for-yeshiva-takes-shape-and.html

5 - With the Best Intentions, On a New World

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/with-best-intentions-on-new-world.html

A Strategy for the Yeshiva Takes Shape and Nes Opens a Pool Hall on Planet Shney

 

by Zvi Baranoff 

To establish any new shtot anywhere is a monumental task. To build a shtot in a remote and undeveloped region of the sparsely populated Planet Shney, centered around a prestigious religious learning center probably seemed to be a lunatic’s fantasy to many at first. It would have been inconceivable without the common vision that was inspired by encounters with the Mushrooms of Planet Birobidzhan. The inspirational visualizations alone, however, would have been insufficient for such a miracle. What brought the vision to fruition were the Talmudic wisdom of Baruch and Shmuli combined with the gambler's intuition that was Nes’ birthright. 

Baruch and Shmuli were chavrusa, lifelong study partners. They had brilliant minds and almost always approached any issues from an oppositional theological perspective. They argued about everything, drawing on the scriptures, the Talmud, and rabbinic traditions. Baruch and Shmuli framed any practical matter with an esoteric argument. This was exactly how Nes approached the design of his shtraymlekh, and the foundation of his marketing.

“Shimon the Righteous would say,” Baruch began to pontificate, "that on three things the world stands: on the Torah, on prayer, and on acts of kindness." 

Shmuli promptly countered, “Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel would say that on three things the world stands: on judgment, on truth, and on peace, as it is said 'Judge truth and the justice of peace in your gates.'"

The Great Sages, thought Nes, lived quite a long time ago and far away on the Home Planet. Perhaps that world stood differently than either Planet Birobidzhan or Planet Shney stand, he contemplated. If Nes were to distill his personal world to three essentials, to a three-legged stool on which to stand on, those legs would surely be enterprise, speculation, and the comforts found in a well maintained brothel. And, for now his world was deprived of all that he considered most essential. Nes kept such thoughts to himself, happily listening to Baruch and Shmuli arguing passionately over matters of no particular consequence. 

Nes’ spirit was warmed to be once again where Talmudic and Kabbalistic dialogue took place. This meeting turned out to be, indeed, the initiation of an enterprise that was surely the result of bashert und mazel. 

Rifka Leeba began her schooling the next day. Nes walked his daughter to her classroom every morning. Nes then sat in cloistered strategizing sessions with the school's two administrators over the following few weeks. His nocturnal wanderings ceased. His shloflozikayt had faded. He stayed home and slept through the night, much to Shprintza Freyda's temporary relief.

Soon surveyors were hired to determine the true nature of the valley that had only so far been seen in mushroom-induced visions. A hidden paradise with year round temperate weather and a hot spring was found, mapped, and photographed. 

After the survey was completed, an architect was engaged to design a spectacular yeshiva to fit the unique contour of the landscape. The architectural drawings were central to the pamphlets used to attract faculty and students from Planet Birobidzhan.

Letters were drafted to a wide array of rabbinic authorities on Planet Birobidzhan, offering employment at the barely imagined yeshiva as well as the cost of transportation and relocation for the rabbis and their families. Students were offered a full curriculum and extensive educational experience even as a faculty had yet to be hired and the construction on the campus was barely a thought. After all, it would be nearly two years before anyone on Planet Birobidzhan would know of the school and another two years beyond that before classes could conceivably begin. 

Two charitable funds were established. The first solicited donations for the construction of the campus. Baruch and Shmuli convinced most of the businesses of Moskve to place a pushke on their counters and donations began trickling in. 

It was immediately evident that fulfilling the dream to build a grand yeshiva and a surrounding metropolis necessitated a significant increase to the rate of migration from Planet Birobidzhan and that the gender demographics of immigration needed to be addressed as well. 

The second charity reached out primarily to the miners and trappers that worked for months at a time in the cold, desolate, and lonely region of Sabir. These men were urged to donate to a fund that would finance transportation for potential brides. Wives, it was presumed, would make their lives on Planet Shney considerably less lonely. Gold flowed in liberally to support that cause. Of course, Nes was able to use that gelt liberally, as he saw fit.

The method of trade between the two worlds was, if not quite moribund, certainly extremely complicated. Planet Shney exported furs, gold, and some other minerals to Planet Birobidzhan however imported little more than immigrants. The earliest of the shuttle flights were established as one way transportation for immigrants with the return flights utilized strictly for cargo. All of the ships were built on Planet Birobidzhan. 

The business end on Planet Birobidzhan resulted from an intricate balance of power. The Birobidzhan Pilots Association, operating as a guild or syndicate of sorts, designed, built, and maintained the shuttles and sold passage. They also oversaw warehousing and distribution of the imported goods. However, a significant percentage of the profits of the trade were earmarked for distribution between the stockholders and investors of the original Hatikvah expedition and the family members of those earliest emigrants that had remained behind on Planet Birobidzhan.

The paper Shekels of Planet Birobidzhan had little value and garnered mostly scorn on both planets, a currency of last resort. Much of the gold that was flowing to Planet Birobidzhan was now being minted into coinage, and the gold Shekels became the preferred currency there. However, gold is quite plentiful on Planet Shney and the coins certainly weren't returning and wouldn't have held much value if they had. So, trade remained awkward with much of Planet Shney profits tangled up in various holding companies and proxies on Planet Birobidzhan, as was Nes’ abstract wealth since he had emigrated. 

A creative workaround was needed and when one was devised, the logjam could be cleared. Nes put his mind to solving that riddle. In the meantime, with the help of his new business partners Baruch and Shmuli, he rented a property near the school where he could have a personal office. He installed two pool tables in the front of the building, and tables for poker in the back. The income from these diversions more than covered the cost of maintaining a private office. It soon became a healthy stream of income. 

A number of factors limited the immigration from Planet Birobidzhan to Planet Shney. Ship design determined the number of passengers and the scarcity of ships determined the number of flights. The ships were designed to be fast and efficient. Unfortunately, to increase the speed, the size was minimized. New designs of larger ships were certainly worth pursuing but the most immediate vector for increasing migration involved increasing the number of ships. 

The frequency of flights had been increasing over the years. By that point the ships were arriving monthly, up from every six weeks. Once a week flights were designated as an optimal goal. This particular logjam was clearly a matter that needed to be resolved on Planet Birobidzhan. The burden of the cost of transit rested entirely on the migrants themselves. The exorbitant fares were determined by business interests there and the prices have not decreased over the years. 

Nes determined a multi prong approach and empowered his proxies on Planet Birobidzhan to follow through in his interests. He realized that the filling of each flight required the selling of one hundred individual berths. Nes proposed that his associates charter the entire passage and negotiate a lower rate for buying in bulk and reducing the workload of marketing the bookings. He authorized them to offer passage with a small down-payment rather than the full fare at once. The balance could be covered with monthly payments directly to him on Planet Shney. Finally, he urged them to invest all of his profits from the fur trade into the operation.

Here are the links to the rest of the story as posted so far:

1 - The Miracle of Vilna on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/the-miracle-of-vilna-on-planet-shney.html

2 - Nes and Shprintza Freyda Spin the Dreidl on Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/nes-and-shprintza-freyda-spin-dreidl-on.html?m=1

3 - From Shloflozikayt to the Vision of a Marvelous Shtot 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/from-shloflozikayt-to-vision-of.html

4 - A Strategy for the Yeshiva Takes Shape and Nes Opens a Pool Hall on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/a-strategy-for-yeshiva-takes-shape-and.html

5 - With the Best Intentions, On a New World

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/with-best-intentions-on-new-world.html

From Shloflozikayt to the Vision of a Marvelous Shtot

by Zvi Baranoff 

When the family arrived on Planet Shney, they were met by Dovid and folded into the accepting arms of family and community. A nice furnished house was made available for them. Both Nes and Shprintza Freyda were optimistic, confident of their mazel und bashert. Nes had particularly high expectations that were bolstered by his monumental sense of self assuredness and entitlement. 

For Shprintza Freyda, the pleasure of living in Moskve grew daily. The cultural opportunities abounded and she adored living in a shtot. Shprintza Freyda loved the market, the theater, the cafe where she drank strong tea and played chess, the wonderful library, and her husband's extended family. 

Nes, on the other hand, could not help but think of Moskve as quite provincial, a shtot that was barely more than a shtetl. Beyond a generalized feeling of being trapped in a backwater, Nes faced unanticipated business concerns that played havoc with his confidence, leading it to unravel, nearly to the point of total dissipation. 

On Planet Birobidzhan, Nes had a monopoly on the fur business with nearly all of the furs available being made into expensive shtraymlekh. These hats he marketed to the rabbis planetwide and their most dedicated followers. The deep historic conflicts and competition between the various rabbinic dynasties were a driving force for sales. The shtrayml designs each reflected philosophical, ideological, and Halachic positions to be promoted and manyYidden wore a shtrayml like uniforms or considered these expensive fur hats to be a battle flag of sorts. There are many competitive rabbis and lots of shuls throughout that world and Nes had traveled extensively and shmoozed in the rabbinic homes worldwide, engaged in stimulating Kabbalistic and Halachic conversations, and sold lots of hats. 

Planet Shney had no such web of competing religious authorities. In those early years of settling Planet Shney, there were only two shuls, the Niu Yark Shul and the Niu Yerushalaim Shul. Both shuls were in Moskve, which was the only shtot planetwide. The only other places where Yidden lived were tiny mining outposts that could barely be considered shtetls, scattered widely in the Sibir region. There were insufficient grounds for religious rivalry nor sufficient numbers of committed true believers to build a customer base for shtraymlekh. Besides that, furs were plentiful and everyone already owned a fur hat or two, although generally more utilitarian than the fancy shtraymlekh that Nes created. Therefore, for Nes, no stimulating esoteric conversations and few hats actually sold. 

The business quandary that Nes faced however, involved matters beyond Moskve or Planet Shney. Before leaving Planet Birobidzhan, Nes entrusted his business interests there into the hands of loyal employees. He expected a steady income flow from the enterprise he built on the world of his birth. A few months after arriving on Planet Shney, Nes learned just how complicated business transactions between the two planets really are. 

Since he departed Planet Birobidzhan, it seems that expenses went up significantly and profits plummeted, according to the regular reports he received on each incoming shuttle flight. Adding a further wrinkle to his calculations, the profits earned on Planet Birobidzhan were secured in trusts that were far more easily redeemed there than on Planet Shney. His nest egg grew but was largely inaccessible. 

Nes fell into a funk. Nes suffered with shloflozikayt, a pervasive sleeplessness without reprieve. He would go to bed at night with his wife but while she slept, he would fidget until he climbed out of bed, dressed, and headed out of the house. 

Nes wandered the dark and empty nighttime streets of Moskve, often humming a nigun. His fruitless persistent searching through the darkened Moskve neighborhoods brought him no relief. There wasn't a single pool hall or gambling den to be found in Moskve and there wasn't a real bordello on the entire planet. The layers of wool and furs protected him from the cold, but did not warm his restless heart or comfort his soul. The still unfamiliar stars and bright moons of Planet Shney seemed uncaring nearly to the point of mocking his situation.

It was on one such night, as Nes was walking in the wooded outskirts of Moskve, that he came upon mushrooms growing in a circle, the ones we know of as the Mushrooms of Planet Birobidzhan. Although there was only a sliver of a moon visible and clouds obscuring much of the sky, the mushrooms shimmered and glowed. Nes heard a humming, much like a nigun drawing him to the mushrooms. When he stepped inside the circle, one mushroom spoke directly to Nes in a voice that he alone could hear, directing him to eat of its flesh. Nes uttered a barucha and took a bite of the mushroom.

A most uncharacteristic calm came over Nes, a quietness like none that he had ever known. He sat comfortably on the hard cold ground. A stillness enveloped him. That dark night, Nes saw a hand stretching before him holding a scroll. The scroll unfurled before him, the calligraphed letters sparkling. A voice that wasn't a voice spoke directly to his inner being. "Son of Man”, it said, “open your mouth and eat what is offered. Son of Man, feed your stomach and fill your belly with the scroll that I give you." 

Nes sat spellbound as he watched galaxies unfold before his eyes at a fast pace. The images were dizzying. Then, as if a curtain had been lifted, he saw Planet Shney as if from the back of a great soaring bird. First he was shown the broad region of Sabir, the mostly frozen high plains and forested mountains to the northeast of Moskve and the scattered mining shtetls. Then, he was presented with a view to the south and west of the somewhat more temperate but still undeveloped region known as Eyropa. The perspective settled on a hilltop and he looked into the valley below, where a spring burbled surrounded by palm trees, a warm oasis on the otherwise cold world. In phases like stop-gap photography a shtot grew in that valley, as Nes watched. 

Hours passed and the edge of the sky was beginning to lighten when Nes was once again aware of his presence, sitting on the ground within a circle of mushrooms on the outer edge of Moskve on Planet Shney. The roosters of Moskve had already begun davening their version of Shacharis, the persistent kukuriku call and response that declares the coming sunrise. Nes was cold and his legs were stiff. He stretched and rubbed himself before standing and walking home. Nes slipped into bed beside his sleeping wife and managed an hour or so of deep rest before morning began in earnest. 

It was a few days later that Nes went to the school operated by Reb Baruch and Reb Shmuli. He was there to enroll his daughter, Rifka Leeba. When Nes entered the school office, he was drawn to a marvelous three-dimensional map that was on display there, almost forgetting the intended purpose of his visit. 

Baruch and Shmuli had arrived on the first of the shuttle flights after the original settlement of Planet Shney by the pioneering passengers of the Hatikvah. Baruch and Shmuli had been yeshiva students and then teachers on Planet Birobidzhan in the Seaside Mea Shearim neighborhood of Niu Niu Yark. They were guardedly independent rabbis. Their school was located on a prominent Moskve street purposefully halfway between the Niu Yark Shul and the Niu Yerushalaim Shul. Nearly all of the children of Moskve attended this school. 

Most of the immigrant passengers on the shuttles came with the intention of seeking wealth mining or trapping in Sabir, so were predominantly men. The few women were wives accompanying their husbands or traveling in order to join a husband that preceded them to Planet Shney. Baruch and Shmuli were the only rabbis to arrive on that first flight. The subsequent shuttles that arrived at approximately six week intervals, each with one hundred passengers, included very few rabbis. 

Besides founding the school, Baruch and Shmuli established a business that sold basic supplies for miners and trappers, including extensively detailed maps. They also contracted supplies of lumber for builders and operated as a real estate agency as well. 

Upon entering that office, Nes stared at the raised-relief map for a minute before speaking. Then, he pointed to a particular valley and said, “There is a hot spring here and an oasis.” Both Baruch and Shmuli nodded. “And someday there will be a marvelous shtot there,” Nes continued. 

“You have seen this as well!” Shmuli replied. All three men shared an awareness. Bashert was that these three together were set to dramatically alter the path of development of Planet Shney. 

Here are the links to the rest of the story as posted so far:

1 - The Miracle of Vilna on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/the-miracle-of-vilna-on-planet-shney.html

2 - Nes and Shprintza Freyda Spin the Dreidl on Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/nes-and-shprintza-freyda-spin-dreidl-on.html?m=1

3 - From Shloflozikayt to the Vision of a Marvelous Shtot 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/from-shloflozikayt-to-vision-of.html

4 - A Strategy for the Yeshiva Takes Shape and Nes Opens a Pool Hall on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/a-strategy-for-yeshiva-takes-shape-and.html

5 - With the Best Intentions, On a New World

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/with-best-intentions-on-new-world.html

Nes and Shprintza Freyda Spin the Dreidl on Planet Birobidzhan

 

by Zvi Baranoff 

The boy was named Nes because there was a miraculous element to his birth. Indeed, his father had been living on Planet Shney for quite a few years before he was conceived on Planet Birobidzhan. As Nes grew, his resemblance to the famous patriarch living on a distant world made it easier for others to accept that unlikely parentage. 

It was Nes’ fate to be cast adrift at a very young age. His grandmother passed on to Olam Haba. His mother suffered with unfathomable pain that resulted in an emotional distance and a degree of neglect. 

 He never received much of a formal education. The limitations of a classroom did not fit his temperament. Growing up with sparse nurturing from any immediate family, Nes counted on mazel und bashert. His fate was that he received the guidance and care of gamblers and kurvahs. Nes obtained his education primarily in alleyways, pool halls, and bordellos. 

Among the shifty and sometimes disreputable gamblers, Nes learned the mechanics of successful manipulation. Even at a very young age, Nes kept his eyes and ears open. When approaching any given wagering opportunities wisely, they become less of a game of chance. Nes learned to figure odds and how to hedge bets. By the time that he began to put his tuches offen tish and place substantial bets with his own gelt, he won far more than he lost. Also from the gamblers, Nes learned that a dreidl can be used for divination as well as gambling. Whenever Nes was faced with making decisions, he would lean on the guidance of a spinning dreidl. 

When Nes was a little pisher he was often comforted by the kurvahs on their soft mattresses, his head on their fluffy pillows and his tiny body between their perfumed sheets. They dried his tears, stroked his head, and sometimes allowed him to attempt to nurse on their bountiful welcoming bosoms. As he approached maturity, many of those same women took him to their beds in earnest. They also introduced him to their younger sisters and cousins as well as their daughters. Nes perceived such treatment as only natural.

Luck would have it that Nes was at the airfield when the first shipment of furs from Planet Shney arrived on Planet Birobidzhan. Inspiration and serendipity led him into the shtrayml business. The focused attention that young Nes learned in the pool halls and back alleys combined with the sense of entitlement that he imbued in the bordellos gave him the skills that served him well marketing his shtraymlekh to the rabbis of Planet Birobidzhan. His attention to details, inherent math skills, and his ability to remember esoteric scriptures that served his interests made his business very successful. 

As a young man, everything seemed to be going his way. He succeeded with little planning and minimum effort. Nes saw no reason to question his circumstances. He traveled widely and enjoyed himself immensely. He chose to spend Purim in Niu Niu Yark on a whim. He met Shprintza Freyda by chance. He proposed marriage because of a spin of a dreidl. It was certainly sudden and unexpected but Nes was deeply enamored with Shprintza Freyda. 

Shprintza Freyda was a meydl from a small stehtl but she always knew that she was destined for a life beyond such limitations. She too believed in mazel und bashert. She decided to go to Niu Niu Yark for Purim to fulfill her destiny. Her meeting Nes at the street celebration in that shtot was certainly a matter of chance but she was sure that the resulting marriage was fate. Nes spun a dreidl - his form of divination - while Shprintza Freyda was sleeping and proposed marriage over breakfast. Shprintza Freyda agreed without hesitation, ready to begin the life that she was truly meant for. 

The marriage, without a shidduch or any other sort of planning, and the birth of their first child, of course, altered everything for both young people. The marriage necessitated that Nes give up his potentially lucrative position on the exploratory flight to the Home Planet. This left Nes uncertain of his pathway forward. In the time of those swirling uncertainties, Nes relied on the guidance of a dreidl. The spin of the dreidl suggested that the best course was to relocate his budding family to Planet Shney. 

Shprintza Freyda was certainly aware that Nes had a propensity for dalliance. She chose to turn a blind eye to the indiscretions in those last few months before departure from Planet Birobidzhan. Shprintza Freyda felt assured that all of the running around would come to a cold stop when the family boarded the shuttle to Planet Shney. 

Shprintza Freyda’s intuition appeared to be accurate. In truth, the long flight offered no outlets for the sorts of diversions that were the tendency of her husband. The passengers were disproportionately male. All of the women passengers were married. Most were traveling with their husbands. The rest were on their way to reunite with a husband that had preceded them. 

Nes was never looking for romantic encounters with strangers. Rather, his desires were the comfort and familiarity of his formative years. There was no bordello with a bevy of kurvahs aboard the ship, which would have been what was to Nes’ propensity. So, Shprintza Freyda had no real concerns of Nes wandering during the flight, but this she did not know. 

Shprintza Freyda had a few tricks up her sleeve for that long flight through the void. She was a meydl from a small stehtl but her family had a large Meditsinish Gortn adjacent to the house and she had extensive knowledge of herbal medicine and lore. Like our Matriarchs Rukhl and Leah, Shprintza Freyda also knew that there were herbal concoctions that could be used to enhance vitality and focus her husband's attention. Dissimilar from Rukhl and Leah, Shprintza Freyda used other herbs that protected her from any unanticipated pregnancy. The long flight from Planet Birobidzhan to Planet Shney unfolded as an erotic blur, a second honeymoon for the young couple. Nes was in a state of intoxicated enamoration and unaware of Shprintza Freyda’s hand in maintaining that condition. 

Here are the links to the rest of the story as posted so far:

1 - The Miracle of Vilna on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/the-miracle-of-vilna-on-planet-shney.html

2 - Nes and Shprintza Freyda Spin the Dreidl on Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/nes-and-shprintza-freyda-spin-dreidl-on.html?m=1

3 - From Shloflozikayt to the Vision of a Marvelous Shtot 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/from-shloflozikayt-to-vision-of.html

4 - A Strategy for the Yeshiva Takes Shape and Nes Opens a Pool Hall on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/a-strategy-for-yeshiva-takes-shape-and.html

5 - With the Best Intentions, On a New World

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/with-best-intentions-on-new-world.html

The Miracle of Vilna on Planet Shney

 

by Zvi Baranoff 

The greatest, as well as the most diverse, yeshiva ever conceived is located in Vilna on Planet Shney. Also, some of the most monumental Houses of Worship on any planet surround that campus. The numerous shuls represent multiple streams of thought and reflect the incredible diversity of the Yeshiva. The Shtot of Vilna on Planet Shney is named after the City of Vilna (Vilnius) on the Home Planet. 

The ancient City of Vilna situated on Planet Earth was a prominent center of Jewish study, often called "Yerushalayim D'Lita" (the Jerusalem of Lithuania). The Yidden of the original Vilna were dispersed and most were killed during a particularly virulent period of purges, pogroms, expropriation, and extermination. The yeshivas and shuls there were all looted and demolished. 

Adjacent to the most spectacular of those shuls on Planet Shney, there is a grave that is widely known as a holy site of pilgrimage. On the granite headstone are engraved the words Nes Gadol and the image of a dreidl. Interned in the mausoleum is the founder of Vilna, of Blessed memory. 

There is a mechitza that designates the left side of the site for women and the right side for men. The dividing curtain stays in place from dusk until dawn when it is removed to accommodate the many women pilgrims that choose to pray all night or sleep by the grave. Men are barred from the site until the next morning. 

The holy site is illuminated at night only by the moons and the stars. Women doven, swaying and wailing, some throughout the night. They tear at their clothes and throw themselves on the grave. It is widely believed that such outward signs of piety will sway Nes’ intervention in their favor. 

The women that pray at this site come with hopes for assistance in finding a husband, conceiving children, and for fulfillment in their domestic lives. The men generally pray for help with financial schemes, highly speculative investments, and luck at gambling, as well as assistance in the unraveling of complicated emotional entanglements.

On the streets immediately surrounding this holy site, vendors offer inexpensive sustenance such as knishes and lokshen. Nearby there are also several inns that offer sparse low cost lodging particularly for pilgrims. Not much farther, there are a wide array of restaurants that sell more substantial food and hotels that accommodate travelers with preferences that are more refined. The most exquisite option for food, lodging, and entertainment in Vilna, or anywhere on Planet Shney, is the Nes Gadol Hotel and Casino, a towering skyscraper designed to resemble a dreidl. 

On the Home Planet, the gravesites of saintly people were treated as holy places. The graves of great rabbis, sages, and miracle workers became pilgrimage sites for the Yidden and even for some Goyim. The gravesites were often in faraway places that were difficult to reach. Harsh deserts, high mountains, conflicts, international borders, bandits, and other hindrances were faced for the opportunity to pray at such holy sites. 

The holy shrine in Vilna on Planet Shney is the most far-flung of any Jewish pilgrimage site, if you consider what travel it would entail for most Yidden. The overwhelming mass of our people still reside on the Home Planet. Their ancestors were not among those that found transit to Planet Birobidzhan. For nearly three centuries contact between Planet Earth and Planet Birobidzhan had been severed. Even now, booking transportation between the two planets is extremely limited and the travel time is excruciatingly long. But, even on the far away Home Planet of Earth, Yidden are aware of this holy site.

Beyond Planet Earth, most Yidden live on Planet Birobidzhan, the birthplace of the entombed holy man. Travel from Planet Birobidzhan to Planet Shney is a significantly shorter distance but even with our most up-to-date ships, it is still nearly a two year shlep. 

However, from Moskve on Planet Shney, travel to Vilna is not in the least grueling. There is a comfortable high-speed elevated train route between Moskve Tsenter Shtot to Vilna Tsenter Shtot with service six days a week. The train departs in the morning from Moskve and returns in the evening except for Freytag when the train leaves Vilna in the afternoon so as to return before sunset and the beginning of Shabbos. 

The very existence of the Shtot of Vilna arose from a prophetic vision that occurred shortly after Nes arrived on Planet Shney. In an altered state of awareness, Nes saw the valley with the hidden hot spring that enables the tropical foliage and warm weather that is nowhere else on the otherwise harsh world of Planet Shney. Date trees now grow throughout the valley, in addition to the unique native palm trees that grow only in this one microclimate. The hot spring feeds theVilna Mikvah and also the luxurious swimming pool at the Nes Gadol Hotel and Casino. 

Construction of the Yeshiva and several of the Shuls were contracted and financed by Nes. The train route was proposed and financed many decades earlier by Nes. He also established a trust that subsidizes fares in perpetuity. 

Luck and fate, mazel und bashert, define life. Mazel is assuredly determined by the stars that we are born to. Bashert, perhaps transcends mazel. Luck is luck. Fate is fate. The dreidl spins and lands where it will. We rejoice or mourn and then spin the dreidl once more. Perhaps leaving the planet of one's birth and living under other constellations changes luck but leaves destiny unaltered. Without doubt, greatness was Nes’ destiny. His story began far from Vilna, in a shtetl on Planet Birobidzhan. 

Here are the links to the rest of the story as posted so far:

1 - The Miracle of Vilna on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/the-miracle-of-vilna-on-planet-shney.html

2 - Nes and Shprintza Freyda Spin the Dreidl on Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/01/nes-and-shprintza-freyda-spin-dreidl-on.html?m=1

3 - From Shloflozikayt to the Vision of a Marvelous Shtot 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/from-shloflozikayt-to-vision-of.html

4 - A Strategy for the Yeshiva Takes Shape and Nes Opens a Pool Hall on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/a-strategy-for-yeshiva-takes-shape-and.html

5 - With the Best Intentions, On a New World

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2025/02/with-best-intentions-on-new-world.html

Olly, Olly, Oxen Free

 This is a work of fiction. The image is one of myself, from my youth.

"One is devoured by Time, not because one lives in Time, but because one believes in its reality, and therefore forgets or despises eternity."

—Mircea Eliade

by Zvi Baranoff 

I grew up in a sort of false suburb on the edge of a city. The neighborhood border was also the municipal border. On the other side of the dividing line, a few blocks to the west, were the row houses of the city. In our nominally suburban neighborhood, the houses were all duplexes, each surrounded by a small, neatly trimmed and somewhat personalized lawn with a chain link fence around a small backyard. 

Further east, beyond our neighborhood, across highways, through neighborhoods, and beyond our access, there were true suburbs with large lawns, big houses, swimming pools, country clubs, cul-de-sacs, and all the other trappings of privilege that we could hardly imagine. 

I must have been around five years old. I hadn't started school yet. My mother was still trying to keep me tied to her apron strings but the threads were frazzling. I managed to slip loose more and more. I was the youngest of the children that ran wild and unsupervised through the neighborhood. 

Malka was the undisputed leader of that pack of aspiring hooligans. She was the oldest of the crew, at the awe-inspiring age of eleven. Malka ruled over us with intimidation. She understood us with intelligence and cunning. She led us because of her infinite creative capacity for stimulating adventure. 

Our play at elaborate games extended across property lines and over fences that we climbed without fear and with little respect for concepts such as private property or personal privacy. Gardens, garages, the grocery store parking lot, construction sites, and an open field that was destined soon to be an elementary school were all our juvenile domain. 

It was summertime, with long days and none of the daytime regulated by schooling or parental demands. Our days were absorbed in variations of mock warfare. We had begun this particular day singing while marching about the neighborhood, single file. We were arranged in order of height. I was, of course, the tail of the parade. At the top of our lungs we sing-song chanted the words of our marching anthem, with a special shouting emphasis on the word “dick” as Malka had taught it to us. 

“Does your DICK hang low?

Can you swing it to and fro?

Can you tie it in a knot?

Can you tie it in a bow?

Can you throw it over your shoulder, 

like an Oriental soldier?

DOES YOUR DICK HANG LOW!”

When we were all tired of that, we transitioned to other forms of mischief and mayhem. We practiced coordinating aim and strength by throwing rocks at an abandoned building. Malka was the only one of us to have ever actually broken a window of our target house. This fact provided definitive proof to the Divine Nature of her dominance. Whichever of the horde that threw a rock deemed by Malka to be the most true would be elevated to be her lieutenant for the day, with the ability to lord the authority over the rest of us. The introduction of the random opportunity for individual cruelty was an incredible incentive.  Malka would, when it served her interest, rein in her lieutenant, presenting her predictable tyrannical powers as a just and benevolent alternative to the less practiced amateur terror of her acting lieutenant. This was a daily epic challenge for the older and stronger of us. Of course, my being the youngest and the smallest, I stood no chance in this particular test of skill. Nonetheless, I watched my elders and learned tricks and techniques daily. 

We were engaged in a most seriously challenging game of Hide and Seek. In spite of being the youngest of that crew, I was accomplished at the art of subterfuge and avoiding detection. 

 I was laying in a drainage pipe, as snug as a bug. It hadn't rained for a while. The soil accumulated at the bottom of the pipe only held the slightest amount of moisture. The vague hints of mustiness was comfortably reassuring. I was comfortable enough in that drainage pipe to doze off that warm sunny day. 

For more than a year, an incredibly realistic series of dreams began to dominate my sleep, recurring several times a week. The dreams ranged from the mundane to terrifying. In these otherworldly experiences, the rhythms, rituals, and languages were all very foreign to my waking reality and yet comprehensible to my sleeping self. In my sleep I spoke fluently a guttural tongue that I later discovered to be Yiddish, a language shared by most of the inhabitants of the village setting for these dreams. 

Over the following years the frequency of these dreams decreased, but the intensity, vividness, and the realism of these certainly didn't decrease in the least. The angst that these dreams generated actually increased as I aged, perhaps because I began to understand more background of the ethereal occurrences that I eventually called the Shtetl Dreams. 

In that drainage pipe, as I slept, a disturbing dream took hold. I was walking past a building with onion-shaped domes decorated with swirling mysterious symbols. It was many years later that I understood the building to be a church and that the incomprehensible squiggles to be Cyrillic lettering. 

 I heard the rough voices shouting “Zhyd!” I had no clue as to what that word meant. However, I clearly understood that the men and boys shouting were a danger to me. I  ran with all my strength, evading those that were pursuing me, until I found a safe place to conceal myself. 

Then, another call grabbed my attention,  voices from another time and a different continent. “Olly, olly, oxen free!” The cry echoed and reverberated as more voices joined in, picking up the refrain, the familiar and non threatening voices of the children of my neighborhood.

I was muddy and bruised. My clothes were ripped. There was a faint odor of dog waste. My pants were wet and stained from urine. I must have peed myself while sleeping in that pipe. I was in no mood to show myself when I heard the traditional all clear signal. I wallowed in self absorption and self pity, unwilling to move from the protective shell of the spot where I was embedded. Evening was setting in. The other children were each finding their way to homes, families, suppers, and baths. Their voices were gone and only Malka continued to shout “Olly, olly, oxen free!” while looking for me, her lone lost sheep.

I looked out through the opening of the drainage pipe. I could see Malka walking about and heard her calling my name. I remained quiet and unmotivated. Then, she was on her hands and knees, looking into the end of the pipe and directly at me. She reached her arms in and I crawled forward and into her outstretched arms.

Once I was out in the fresh air and on solid ground, Malka looked me up and down, silently judging and analyzing the mess that I was. I stood there, looking up at her with tears rolling down my chubby cheeks. 

Malka took a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped the tears away. Then, she moistened the handkerchief with her spit and used that to remove mud from my face. Following that, she tidied me up the best she could, straightening my clothing, buttoning my shirt and tucking it into my pants. She wiped away the mud and piss as best as she could, and brushed down my wild hair with her fingers. Malka kissed me on my forehead and told me to go home, which I promptly did. 

Middle East Peace and the Lost Tribes Mythologies of the Lemba

 

by Zvi Baranoff

Peace in the Middle-East is possible if Jews would follow the lead of their cousins, the Lemba people of South Africa. This is, it seems, the learned opinion of Noah Tamarkin, a cultural anthropologist and an associate professor at Cornell University. 

Mr Tamarkin expressed his opinion in a short essay in The Conversation entitled South Africa’s Lemba people: how they view their Jewishness challenges Zionist ideas that identity is linked to one homeland (https://theconversation.com/south-africas-lemba-people-how-they-view-their-jewishness-challenges-zionist-ideas-that-identity-is-linked-to-one-homeland-228632) published April 30, 2024.

Mr Tamarkin seems to be a well intentioned fellow. However, his essay is deeply flawed, with obvious misstatements and falsification throughout. 

The essay begins by describing the Lemba people as “Black Jews who live in South Africa and Zimbabwe.” It goes on to claim that the “Lemba people have long held that they are Jews by descent.”

Are the Lemba Jewish? Mostly not. Are they descendents of Jews? Perhaps. Have they “long held” such beliefs? That depends on who among the Lemba one speaks to and how much time is considered long when discussing history. 

Most of the Lemba people self define as Christians. There are some who are Muslims and Jews. Many of those that self define as Jews also self define as Christians. 

There are hints that could imply that the Lemba are descended from ancient Hebrews. The actual, provable links however, are few. The first “proofs” rely on some vague similarities of the oral traditions of these people to early Hebrew history and mythology. The Lemba also refrain from eating pork - as do both Jews and Muslims. The Lemba practice circumcision. The Jewish tradition is on the eighth day. The Lemba tradition is eight years old. Muslims worldwide also practice circumcision as well as many African people. 

However, the Lemba were unfamiliar with any possible connection to ancient Hebrews and, in fact, were unaware of Jews until they came in contact with Christian missionaries around the beginning of the Twentieth Century, and later to interaction with South African Jews. So, the “long held” belief of a Jewish ancestry dates back to around 1900, which is not very long in the scheme of things. Thousands of Lemba have adopted Jewish practices, in relatively recent times. This has been accelerated through the support of American Jews supplying religious education and ritual materials. 

Christian missionaries have a long history of introducing Biblical mythologies and integration of these mythologies with those of their targeted audience. When one goes out looking for the Lost Tribes of Israel, one inevitably finds them, even if the actual links are tenuous at best. The tales of the Lost Tribes, the ten Tribes said to be exiled from from the Kingdom of Israel around 722 BCE, is shrouded in mythology and actual history is pitifully lacking. Most historians have concluded that the deported tribes assimilated into the local population, although legends of people around the world being the Lost Tribes, reinforced by threads of customs and  beliefs, is tantalizing.

The Lemba origin story is based on a long journey of their twelve clans from a place called Sena. According to the oral traditions, they followed a sacred object called the ngoma lungundu or “drum that thunders”. The twelve clans are reminiscent of the Twelve Tribes of Israel and the ngoma lungundu is therefore likened to the Ark of the Covenant. 

The genetic pools that Mr Tamarkin refers to, dating back to the 1990s, show a strong Middle-Eastern connection. This could be Hebrew or it could also be Arab. The genetic link among the Buba, one Lemba clan, does have a fairly high correspondence to the Cohen marker. This is curious. However, the overall information that we learn from genetic studies points to a strong likelihood of the influence of Arab traders that had an extensive network throughout Africa for hundreds of years.

Mr Tamarkin, goes on to state that “Lemba people did not orient themselves towards Israel. Instead they interpreted their genetic studies as proof that Jews were African and that Lemba people were, therefore, indigenous African Jews.” The link is to a book by Mr Tamarkin.

Drawing these conclusions requires intellectual gymnastics. He ignores the origin mythology of the Lemba people that stresses that they come from elsewhere and consider themselves to be separate from the surrounding peoples. The name Lemba may originate from the Bantu word lemi which means "non-African" or a "respected foreigner", although it could derive from the Swahili word kilemba meaning turban or “those who wear turbans”. Mr Tamarkin also ignores the Lemba burial practice of orientation to the north, presumably towards their historic origin and fails to mention that some Lemba that have adopted Judaism have made aliyah to Israel. 

Mr Tamarkin suggests that the Jewish sense of a indigenous relationship to a homeland in what is now Israel is misplaced. Mr Tamarkin proposes that the 15 or so million Jews of the world are African based on the 100,000 (more or less) Lemba being African, although the basis of a Jewish link to the Lemba is the possibility of a migration beginning with an exile from the Land of Israel, to Yemen, and eventually across Africa. 

Whether the Lemba perceive themselves as indigenous to Africa or rooted elsewhere is irrelevant to the sense of a general indigenous relationship to the Land of Israel by Jews worldwide. Around seven million Jews currently live between the Mediterranean Sea and the Jordan River, as well as around seven million Palestinians. Clearly, both people have an indigenous relationship to that particular piece of land.

Certainly, a logical argument can be presented that the Zionist ideology and subsequent experiment was a misstep and an historic mistake. There were certainly other perspectives among the Jews at the time of the formation and development of political Zionism. However, there is no denying that there is a strong link to the sense of place, emotionally and genetically. 

We are certainly not going to reorient the attachment of 15 million Jews, seven million who currently live in Israel and six million that live in the United States, with the rest scattered worldwide, to Africa because of a tenuous link of approximately 100,000 Africans. There is no other place in the world than the actual traditional homeland that has this genetic and historical link. 

Mr Tamarkin's essay approaches a fascinating subject, however the lack of intellectual honesty and historical integrity does a great disservice to the Lemba, to the Jewish people, and to the possibility of finding a real solution to the shared destiny of the people, Arabs and Jews, that live on the land that Mr Tamarkin so casually writes off as irrelevant to identity.