Sunday, February 27, 2022

Another Globe, Perhaps?

 


by Zvi Baranoff

Long ago, on the Home Planet, Earth, there was an ancient Russian Empire controlled by an aristocracy and ruled by a Czar. Under the Czar, Yidden suffered from limitations, oppression, deprivation and the occasional pogroms. 

In the Russian Empire, Jews could only live in a region known as the Pale which was at the western end of the Empire in the border regions between other competing imperialist powers contended for control. 

Armies marched through with flags displayed and much exuberance. Governments came and went. No matter what nation laid claim, life in the Jewish villages remained about the same for centuries. 

When everything went as well as could be expected, there would be potatoes (bulbes) and onions (tsibeles), a bit of black bread and maybe some borscht. On Friday night, perhaps a schtickle of fish or chicken, a glass of wine and some white bread. 

This was the world that Mendel was born to and this was what he expected from life. 

Towards the end of the 1800s, life had become noticeably more difficult for the Yidden and many began to consider a life beyond the Pale. Millions emigrated during those years, including some from the shtetl where Mendel lived.

Some of Mendel's childhood friends became Zionists. They sang songs in Hebrew. They dreamed of a Land for Jews where they could walk tall and live on communal farms.  They went off to a place they called Palestine. 

Other childhood friends went to the Americas. Some went to New York, where the streets, they said, are paved in gold. Others went to Buenos Aires, where great opportunities existed for enterprising Yidden.

A few of his acquaintances had gone to South Africa. It was there that diamonds could be found just lying on the ground. In almost no time one could be wealthy, with a little effort. So, he had been told.

Mendel stayed in the shtetl of his birth, satisfied with his lot. Bulbes and tsibeles with a bit of black bread were not so bad. Why should he go looking for trouble?

In the beginning of the twentieth century, the Russian Empire was in turmoil. Great changes were afoot. Some of Mendel's childhood friends joined the Bolsheviks in the struggle to overthrow the Czar.  

When the Bolsheviks came to power, the Russian Empire was no more. In its place a new government arose and was called the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. 

Everything was new and nothing was the same, he was told. The old power structure was gone. All men were equal. The workers now ruled and the capitalist class was destroyed. 

Mendel still ate black bread and maybe a bulbes or a tsibele. A schtickle of fish or chicken was just a dream, but all told, his life had not changed much.

Shortly after the overthrow of the Czar and the installation of the Bolshevik-led Workers Paradise Government, a madman and paranoid narcissist with an evil temperament floated to the top of the pond as is the tendency of scum. Joseph Stalin, may his name be cursed for eternity, led Russia into an extensive period of non-stop terror with an irrational bureaucratic tinge to it. 

It was towards the end of the 1920s, with a madman as the Party Leader and Head of State, the Politburo had determined that the Yidden, now free, needed a Jewish Republic - a piece of land with a Jewish character and culture - that reflected the values of the new Communist State.

With much fanfare, red flags blowing in the breeze, commissars and Yiddish poets urged the Yidden of the Pale to head east, to a new Jewish Land.

Far from the Pale, along another frontier adjacent to the Chinese border, a desolate and uninhabitable place where the Bira and the Bidzhan Rivers flowed, they determined in their wisdom that the Jews of Russia could remake themselves. 

Upstanding writers, poets and Yiddishists urged the Yidden to move to the Birobidzhan Republic. Some went, but Mendel stayed put. A bit of black bread and maybe a bulbes or a tsibele and life goes on.

In the Jewish Republic of Birobidzhan, there was terrible housing, little work, failed gardens and not enough of anything. That was how things were going there at the best of it. Then, the purges began. Those that were summarily executed were the lucky ones. Many others were sent to Gulags where they worked themselves to death. 

Meanwhile, to the west, dark clouds were rising. A stubby colonel and failed artist and sociopath named Adolf Hitler, a curse on his name as well, seized control of Germany, another country  with imperialist fetishes. 

These two crackpots found common cause for a short while. While they played lovey-dovey, they divided up all the land that spread out between Russia and Germany. Then, a lovers quarrel broke out which led to a messy divorce. When it reached full scale warfare, the battles raged across the Pale. 

Mendel was drafted into the Soviet Army. He fought when he had to. He learned to keep his head down and he lived as a grunt private. The army sometimes fed him borscht, but not often. He could sometimes find a piece of black bread or a tsibele. Somehow he survived the war.

The madman Stalin held the reins of Russia until his death in 1953. During those years, life was hard for everyone. Of course, life was especially hard for the Yidden. After Stalin's death, everyone breathed a little easier. Life improved somewhat.




The gulags had largely been dismantled and the purges had mostly ended. The starving was alleviated. Slowly some reforms took place. 


By the 1970s, the Soviet Government began to issue a limited number of exit visas. Mendel decided one day to go down to the office and apply for a visa. Maybe he could go and live somewhere else in this world where bulbes and tsibeles were plentiful, fish and chicken were available and one could have a bit of white bread and a glass of wine on a Friday night. Why not?


Mendel waited in line for the proper forms. He sat on the hard bench and filled in the paperwork with the stubby pencil that he was given. He stood in line to turn in the forms. He waited all day in the crowded outer office for his name to be called. It was nearly closing time when he heard a badly mispronounced version of his name being called. Mendel shuffled into the inner sanctum where his fate would be decided.   


The bureaucrat that would determine Mendel's future looked up from behind his desk. Mendel fidgeted a bit, his cap in his hand. "Yes," said the bureaucrat. "Where is it you want to go to?"


The question caught Mendel unaware. He hadn't thought about where he wanted to be. He simply could no longer remember what held him there in Russia and imagined abstractly that there must be a better place. He stammered and stuttered.


The bureaucrat looked up from the papers he was shuffling. He saw before him an old veteran from the Great Patriotic War as that period of senseless bloodletting was known in Russia.


The government bureaucrat took a breath and his heart softened a bit. "I cannot issue an exit visa without a destination. You must tell me where you want to go and then I can put my stamp on this piece of paper and you pay the fee and you get a visa. It is as simple as that. Where do you want to go?"


Mendel also took a breath and felt a little more at ease. "Well," he said. "I suppose I should go to the Land of Israel. That is the country for the Jews, is it not?" Israel was the newfangled name for that place called Palestine when he was a youth. Some of his childhood friends had gone there back before the Revolution and the War. 


The clerk felt a bit more at ease, now that he had something to write down on the blank line of the form. Just as his pen was about to touch the paper, Mendel spoke up. "Wait!" he said. "I am thinking, there they have war and the economy isn't so good. Maybe I don't want to go there." The clerk looked up, and sighed.


"Maybe I go to America. In New York, the streets are paved in gold. But, in America there is racial strife and crime and poverty. No. I don't think I want to go to America." The clerk shook his head.


Mendel considered other choices and just as quickly wrote those choices off. South Africa had apartheid and might be heading into a civil war. Australia had poisonous snakes and large crocodiles. The pictures of Canada that he had seen reminded him of Siberia. In Chile they speak Spanish. Germany is full of Germans. 


Finally, the clerk, who just wanted to finish up his paperwork so he could go home, took a globe off of a shelf and placed it in the middle of his desk. He gave the globe a light spin. "Surely there is some place on this globe that you want to go to."


Mendel watched the globe spin and he looked deep into his heart. Then he spoke up. "Please, kindly bureaucrat, commissar apparatchik, comrade clerk sir…perhaps, just maybe, you have another globe?"


At that time, there was no other globe to even consider. We were all in exile then as we are now but our Galus was limited to the Home Planet. We have since extended our exile out into the great void. Some of us landed on Planet Birobidzhan. Here on Planet Birobidzhan, there are no government officials to grant us exit visas. We have nowhere else to go.


At least on Planet Birobidzhan, bulbes and tsibeles are plentiful, fish and chicken are available, all sorts of breads and cakes can be purchased at the bakery, borscht is as cheap as borscht and there is always wine for Friday night.


This is not a Jewish story. It is, however, a story about Jews. One does not need to be Jewish to read this tale any more than one needs to be a Hobbit or an Elf to read Lord of the Rings. 


This story is a work of fiction. The setting for this tale is in the distant future, on the far away Planet Birobidzhan. This planet was settled by Jewish exiles from Planet Earth. 


The population of Planet Birobidzhan has been cut off from the Home Planet for a long  time. They have developed their own unique culture, traditions and linguistics. 


The language spoken on Planet Birobidzhan is primarily Yiddish. I have sprinkled a significant number of Yiddish words and phrases throughout the telling of the tale. I also refer to various Jewish religious and cultural touchstones. 


To make this story more accessible, I have included a glossary of words and phrases in Yiddish and Hebrew that are used as well as some explanations of religious terms and holidays. 


I hope that readers find  this to be useful.


The link to the Glossary is here:

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/a-useful-guide-glossary-to-planet.html?m=1



פּלאַנעט ביראָבידזשאַן


Do you want to read more about Planet Birobidzhan? Here are all the posted installments so far, in the order that they were posted. Just click your way through the story!


1 On A Planet Safe for Yidden

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/on-planet-safe-for-yidden.html


2 Yenne Velt: A History of Planet Birobidzhan

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/yenne-velt-history-of-planet-birobidzhan.html


3 Another Globe, Perhaps?

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/another-globe-perhaps.html


4 Bereshis: The Transport & Transformation of the Founders

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/03/bereshis-transport-transformation-of.html


5 The Town of First Landing

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/03/the-town-of-first-landing.html


6 A Personal History of an Early Settler on Planet Birobidzhan

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/05/a-personal-history-of-early-settler-on.html


7 Chickens, Jews Harps & Cronyism

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/07/cronyism.html


8 Dovid's Neshumeh

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/07/dovids-neshumeh.html


9 The Octogenarian and the Youngster

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/07/the-octogenarian-and-youngster.html


10 An Otherworldly Havdalah

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/an-otherworldly-havdalah.html


11 The Courtship & Marriage of Bathseba

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/the-courtship-marriage-of-bathseba.html


12 A Job, an Apartment & Two Honeymoons

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/a-job-apartment-two-honeymoons.html


13 The Pathway Into the Stars

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/the-pathway-into-stars.html


14 Abi Guzunt 

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/abi-guzunt.html


15 A Dozen or So…

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/10/a-dozen-or-so.html


16 Tamar's Sketchbook 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/11/tamars-sketchbook.html?m=1


17 An Apologetic Interlude in the Galactic Tale

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/11/an-apologetic-interlude-in-galactic-tale.html?m=1


18 Tamar's Mushrooms 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/11/tamars-mushrooms.html?m=1


19 Intergalactic Travel Can Not Be Done on the Cheap

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/12/intergalactic-travel-can-not-be-done-on.html?m=1


20 Unauthorized Fire on Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/12/unauthorized-fire-on-planet-birobidzhan.html?m=1


21 Tamar and the Klezmorim of Planet Birobidzhan

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/12/tamar-and-klezmorim-of-planet.html


22 Heresy, Flimflam and Death 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/12/heresy-flimflam-and-death.html?m=1


23 On a Distant Planet, An Apartment in the City by the Sea

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/on-distant-planet-apartment-in-city-by.html?m=1


24 The Girl with a Fiddle on Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-girl-with-fiddle-on-planet.html


25 Tamar and the Scholars of Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/tamar-and-scholars-of-planet-birobidzhan.html


26 The Tropics of Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-tropics-of-planet-birobidzhan.html


27 The Beaches and Coastal Shtetls of Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-beaches-and-coastal-shtetls-of.html


28 A Pre-launch Reunion 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/a-pre-launch-reunion.html


29 The Launch Was Imminent 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-launch-was-imminent.html


30 Liftoff Into the Unknown 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/liftoff-into-unknown.html


31 Across the Void, Down a Wormhole & Into the Snow

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/across-void-down-wormhole-into-snow.html


32 Flourishing on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/flourishing-on-planet-shney.html


Saturday, February 19, 2022

Yenne Velt: A History of Planet Birobidzhan

 


Far di kinder fun der vayt - for the children far away.


by Zvi Baranoff

Long distance space travel was no simple feat for our ancestors. The distance from Earth to other potentially habitable and available planets was - and continues to be - vast. 


That said, calling the Home Planet "habitable" was becoming more and more of a stretch. Life on Earth had become miserable. Floods, famines, epidemics, toxic waste, riots, genocidal wars, dwindling resources, etc. seemed to unfold daily with no end in sight.


By the early 21st Century, the idea of seeking out a sanctuary from Earth was beginning to get some real traction. The realistic options at that time however were dreadfully limited. 


The Earth's moon or Earth's closest neighbor planet Mars and a few asteroids were within reach of the technological capacity. None of those places had an atmosphere that could sustain human life.  


The scientists of that time, using the limited technology of the period - that is, telescopes and unmanned probes - searched endlessly for potentially habitable planets. 


Well into that century, the best looking potentially habitable planet pinpointed by these scientists was estimated to be about 40 light years from the Home Planet. 


The fastest moving vehicle of that time - an unmanned space probe - was crossing the void to humanity's outer capacity at the speed of 36,000 miles per hour (50,000 km/h). At that rate, it would have taken well over 26 million years to reach that distant potential destination. That is a timeframe that is way too long to even ponder.


By the middle of that century, the options began to look slightly more hopeful. This was fortunate because the outlook for life on Planet Earth was looking truly dreadful. 


As telescopes and space probes improved, several closer potential planets were pinpointed. Additionally, the speed of intergalactic travel had been significantly improved upon. These two factors combined to shorten the very abstract travel time from millions of years to possibly a few hundred years, give or take. Still out of reach, perhaps, but more tantalizing than imagined beforehand.


Also, the technological capacity to place humans into a state of semi-incapacitation through advanced cryonics had been developed to the point where it was theoretically possible to store passengers for decades without significant damage to the individuals. So, if the travel time could be shortened to a few decades, mass migration would then actually become a possibility.


Perhaps what we think of as mystical is the outer edge of what science has yet to understand. Or, perhaps science is our way of trying to understand the esoteric. 


One scientific theory proposed that there are wormholes in the void that essentially fold space/time and that traveling through a wormhole would allow one to go very far in hardly any time.  


Kabbalists have spoken of traveling great distances in a troika or on foot or in a meditative state through divine intervention. The Baal Shem Tov, for instance, was famous for such feats. So, the rabbis found the idea of folding space/time to be quite plausible. After all, isn't that exactly what the great sages of blessed memory had done? 




Wormholes were theorized for a very long time. The first time one was discovered was in the middle of the 21st Century. The scientists were blown away. The rabbis shrugged.  


That first wormhole was within a couple of years traveling time from Earth. An unmanned vehicle was programmed to enter the wormhole, or the Tunnel as it was later named, pass through the length of it and to exit what was theorized to be the other side. 


Assuming that the ship survived, it was programmed to do some relatively minor localized exploration and then attempt to reenter the wormhole from the other side. The ship would then return to Earth, if such a miraculous and mystical voyage was possible, with a trove of intellectual wealth. The roundtrip would take around five years.


The whole project was viewed with much global skepticism until the unmanned craft actually re-emerged from the Tunnel and began to broadcast data towards the Home Planet as it sped that way for the next two and a half years.


With the reappearance of that craft, a major shift in perspective occurred. Before that, the idea of dropping down a wormhole seemed rather similar to the plethora of other harebrained ideas.


During those aimless preceding decades, a vast array of Messianic Cults proliferated on Earth.  Religious Revivalism was one response to the dismal conditions everyone was facing. 


The mishegoss about a Messiah was not confined to the goyim. Yidden also hoped for the Moshiach, and we were certainly in need of Divine Intervention.


Several Messianic Cultish movements arose among the Yidden. They were collectively referred to as Neo Sabbatai Zevi Cults. That is probably an oversimplification but not by much. The results were about the same as those of the historical cult. A million or so Yidden followed the Cult Leaders to apostasy and into conversions. 


The discovery of the wormhole came no time too soon. It may indeed have been Divine Intervention as some believe. Of course, the sheer bull headed determination of humanity, scientific curiosity and the financial interests of the corporations invested in the space industry are all factors as well. 


A fold in space/time is a useful metaphor for understanding a wormhole. It falls short, however, in explaining the problem of communication through a wormhole. 


In most of space, as vast as it is, communication is straightforward. A message can be sent and it will be received in relatively real time...that is, the time it takes for radio waves or light to transpire the distance. The fold blocks normal, straight line communication.


Now, imagine yourself as a child living in a multi-story building with a friend living down the hallway. If each of you step outside of your apartments, you can easily wave, shout or roll a ball to each other. 


However, if your friend's family were to move to an apartment on another floor of the same building, rolling a ball up and down the hall would no longer be possible even though the linear distance between you and your friend would not have been greatly altered. To see each other, one of you would need to ride the elevator. In this sense, the wormhole is akin to an elevator.


To mix metaphors one more time, actually traveling through a wormhole is far more uncomfortable and disconcerting than riding an elevator. The few that have made the voyage wide awake compared it to being flushed down a toilet or sucked up by a tornado. 


It is fortunate for all concerned that most people that transpired that passage did so in a state of cryogenic disconnection rather than full consciousness. It is certainly not something that any rational human would choose to do a second time!


To resolve the communication glitch, a workaround was required. The solution, although fairly simplistic, was expensive. Two communication satellites were positioned at opposite ends of that cosmic Tunnel. 


On either side of the Tunnel, data could be sent by radio signals to the waiting satellite. The data then was transferred by relay drones through the Tunnel to the parallel operating satellite. From there, the message could be resent as easily as rolling a ball down the hall.


This facilitated the unmanned searches on the opposite side of the wormhole. Those exploratory ships could travel without limitation and send back the discoveries without wasting travel time on a return trip. Now, the search for livable planets within the technological reach of humanity was actually doable.


The ownership of the exploratory ships, of course, was in the hands of profit oriented corporations. The searches were yielding important hints as to possibly habitable planets. 


No corporation actually owned any of those planets but the information about the conditions and the coordinates that provide the location were proprietary. They were like real estate agents. The information gathered was being sold to the highest bidder, piecemeal. The more information about a planet provided, the higher the cost until a final purchase of map coordinates were settled.


The Yidden were not the only ones looking for a way out. Anyone that could afford to possibly relocate certainly would be willing to pay the piper. 


The most wealthy wished to acquire the closest and most desirable planets.  They intended to hire the staff they required to maintain the lifestyle that they were used to. 


Some corporations were in search of ways to expand their enterprises. Other religious, social and fraternal organisations also were hoping to find a Yenne Velt - Another World - to live on.




Before the coordinates were purchased, the Agency representing our ancestors knew enough about the planet to know that it was habitable, but not a whole lot more. This limited information had been expensive, dripped and dribbled as an enticement. Eventually, the Founders chose to place their bet and spin the dreidl, so to speak.


They knew that this world circled a star similar to the sun that they were familiar with. They knew that the pull of gravity was slightly less than Earth's pull, but not significantly. They knew that the air was breathable, the soil was tillable, that there were oceans and lakes and some forests. 


They were aware that there were creatures that resemble Earth's birds, fish and mammals including some that looked much like the buffalo that once roamed widely in North America. They had no way of knowing if any of those life forms were edible, if they could be domesticated or if they would be deemed to be kosher.


They also knew that the travel time to the possible New World was just under eighteen years. This seemed to be a good omen for many. The number eighteen had always been considered good luck for Jews, corresponding to the numerical value of the letters of the word "chai" which is Hebrew for Life. 


Later on, many wondered if more attention should have been placed on the fact that "just under eighteen" might have meant just shy of what was needed for a satisfying life. However, that was later and a matter of hindsight mixed with regrets.


Now that a mass evacuation was beginning to be seen as plausible, practical steps were needed to make the action possible. 


Ships needed to be purchased and outfitted. These ships could not be purchased off a lot, like a car, boat or trailer. They needed to be made to order and paid for before the manufacturing even began. To maximize the carrying capacity of each ship while reducing the production cost, the ships were built for one way traveling.


The amount of fundraising involved was massive although much of the funds were actually raised by schoolchildren.


To organize the safe evacuation of all the Children of Israel became the rallying cry, with the implied promise that no one would be left behind. 


An historically unprecedented level of cooperation developed amongst the Yidden, a people far more accustomed to disagreement, argument and interfamilial struggle than working in unison for common goals. 


Of course, the unified public facade was dependent upon a whole lot of backroom deals, intricate negotiations and complicated compromises.


How realistic was the plan? The number of Yidden on the Home Planet was estimated to be around twenty-five million. That is certainly a lot of people but all told it was less than half of one percent of the global population.


A little more than half of the Jews lived in the North American Federation, which was the political alliance of the countries formerly known as Mexico, the United States and Canada. Most of these lived in New York City or within one hundred miles or so. 


Around a third of the Yidden lived in the Jordan River Federation which was a delicate political tinkering consisting of what had been known as Israel, Palestine and the Kingdom of Jordan. Previously, the area had a variety of names and governance of different sorts.


So, the gathering of the Tribes was helped along by the fact that so many were already concentrated. Abstractly, Yidden from any part of the world were equally eligible for transit. 


In practice, the first flights originated in the North American Federation and subsequent flights continued from there and also from the Eilat region of the Jordan River Federation. Those that lived within an easy traveling distance from the launch sites certainly had some advantages over those in more far flung regions. 


Of course, the Exodus was on a purely voluntary basis. Clearly, not every Jew was keen to sign up. Some had other loyalties and plans. There was also a small, but vocal, religious minority of contrarians that opposed the project on a theological basis. So, in reality, not everyone would be evacuated. Nonetheless, the practical difference between transplantation of ten, fifteen, twenty-five or thirty million people is academic.


In theory, every Yid had an equal right to transport. However, the early ships could only carry tens of thousands of passengers  in suspended animation and packed like sardines or herring. How long would it take to transport millions? What priorities were set when determining who received passage?


The first ship out had its own unique set of criterion based on the principle that the entire survivability of the settlement on the planet would depend on their achievements.


While the subsequent ships would be laden with travelers in cryogenic suspension, it was determined that it would be best for trained cryogenic technicians to be on hand for "defrosting" the passengers. So, primarily for this reason, on the first transport ship the trip took place in normal experienced time. 


On the first ship, besides cryogenic experts, traveled those that were determined to be indispensable for establishing a new space colony. This included a full medical staff, construction experts, those familiar with a wide range of hydroponics, greenhouse construction and operation, animal husbandry, and the establishment and daily operations of farms.


The above were the sorts of folks necessary for any new long-term expedition. The foundation of this new colony also took into consideration what would be needed to protect and cultivate Yiddishkeit. 


Included on the first transit were rabbis, shochets and those that oversee kashrut for hechsher certification, scribes, teachers, book publishers, librarians, vintners, those familiar with constructing and maintenance of mikvahs, poets, musicians and experts in Jewish burial practices. Also, their spouses and children were included.


The Rabbinical authorities insisted that all food transported would be Glatt Kosher. Some in the scientific community had suggested rabbits and guinea pigs would make for a good protein source, at least as a transition food. This option was dismissed offhand by the rabbis. 


Fertile chicken eggs and a few cryogenic goats served as the only possible sources for meat, to begin with. Cows were deemed to be too large for transport. 


Great hope had been placed in the belief that the buffalo-like creatures would serve as a food source. To rabbinical and general disappointment, they were declared to be not kosher at all. 


There was, however, another creature that resembles the wild hogs of Earth. This beast was dismissed at first because of the way it looked. However, some adventurous settlers hunted these "hogs'' and found them to be quite edible. 


Once the carcasses were examined closely, it was determined that the "hogs" have split hooves and chew their cuds. The hogs also were found to be fairly docile and easily domesticated. The rabbis were concerned about the optics of the matter but, after considering that there were no goyim to cast aspersions, they eventually declared the animals kosher. For the Yidden of Birobidzhan, ham, pork and bacon derived from the native kosher hogs became a dietary staple.


Until that point, the Yidden were hungry a lot and had become increasingly frustrated by a daily diet of potatoes. The words and melody of the Bulbes song - "Monday, Potatoes! Tuesday, Potatoes!" etc. ad nauseum -  seemed to float everywhere. Some suggested, with only a touch of irony, that the song should be the official National Anthem. 


Passage on subsequent ships were decided by a point system based on a questionnaire as well as one's skill set and the results of a series of detailed health examinations, combined with a lottery. 


In theory, the system was free of bias. In practice, the subsequent population of our Planet Birobidzhan was determined by the process and that is worthy of some analysis.


Membership in a Jewish organization, a Jewish education, knowledge of one or more of the Hebraic languages (Hebrew, Yiddish and Ladino), certain skill sets and close family that have already migrated were all factors that improved one's odds of being selected.


Space and weight are the determinants in loading a vehicle for intergalactic travel. Every cubic centimeter matters. Every kilogram is of significance. There is only so much interior capacity.


The average weight for an adult living in the North American Federation was around 80 kg. Weight was a key consideration. No one over 93 kg was accepted under any circumstances.


Fertility was considered of importance. Priority was given to women of chid bearing age that tested high on a fertility scale and showed an emotional and psychological likelihood of birthing and raising lots of kinder.


It was determined that it was unsafe to place anyone under the age of twelve in cryogenic suspension, so no one under that age was transported. Pregnant women were also not transported. 


Particularly amongst the religious, it became a common practice to join a transport shortly after weaning a child, but before becoming pregnant again. Their children would be raised by relatives until they reached the age of twelve when they would be bumped to the front of the list for transportation. 


Additionally, many of the twelve year old girls would be married to a cousin or another member of their close knit community, which assured the transport of the Bar Mitzvah Bochur along with his young wife.


There was additionally a general cutoff age of forty. Because of these parameters, the average age of new setters fell into that youthful range. 


As far as cargo was concerned, everyone could bring some personal possessions, but precious few. 


There were predetermined necessities that took precedence over any personal choices. Some were to guarantee the physical survival of the pioneers. Other cargo were there to assure our spiritual needs.


It was determined, for instance, that a prayer book should be provided for every emigrant. A copy of the Bible was provided for every family unit. Every male was provided with a set of tefillin, a tallis and a tallis katan, whether or not he was in the practice of using these. Multiple sets of dishes for maintaining a kosher kitchen were required for each family. Sufficient quantities of kosher wine needed to be loaded on each ship until the Planet's wine production was up to the task.


The settlement was nominally free of an official theology. The scientific community was central to the foundation. Secularists were amongst each of the new waves of settlers. Nonetheless, the number of religious, Yiddish speaking newcomers continued to be the dominant trend as long as settlers continued to arrive from the Home Planet.


On Earth our planet was known by its coordinates which were designated by a combination of numbers and Greek letters. In the early days of the settlement, no one thought much about what to call this world. The early settlers were just busy trying to stay alive. 


Some neo-Zionists called it Eretz Yisrael although most of the religious settlers considered that to be sacrilegious. Others referred to Yenne Velt, which simply means Another World. However, Yenne Velt has the historical connotation of being a euphemism for the afterlife and seeing this place as a type of death was already too easy without bringing that to mind on a daily basis. 


The ships arrived from Earth on somewhat of a regular basis for a while. The new arrivals were welcomed with celebration and the early pioneers were optimistic people. However, by the anniversary of the First Landing, far less than a million immigrants had arrived. 


The following year, the ships began to arrive less frequently. Additionally, the new arrivals seemed less impressed by the opportunities and culture of their new home. 


Then, after a few years, no new ships arrived. Even more disconcerting, no new messages had been relayed from the communication satellite by the Tunnel. There was no way to know what had become of the Earth, the other Yidden or the rest of humanity. We had been left to our own devices, perhaps for eternity.


Long ago, back on Earth, Yiddishists and Stalinists came up with a common dream of establishing a Jewish Republic as part of the Soviet Union. Poets and ideologues led the way. 


The Soviet Government presented the Yidden with a land grant, and free one way transportation. The land they chose was far to the east along the border with China. 


This Jewish Republic was as far as conceivably possible from any Jewish intellectual or cultural centers or any place where Yidden had historically lived. There, Yiddish was made the official language and publishing houses were established for Yiddish poetry and Communist propaganda.


The land was harsh, with little to offer.  The Bira and the Bidzhan rivers flowed through the region from which the name Birobidzhan was derived. This was the first post-Biblical establishment of Jewish autonomy.


Our home was first called Planet Birobidzhan sarcastically. Before long, however, the name stuck. This planet was a Jewish Land in a desolate place. There was little sense of hope. Yiddish had become the semi-official language. What else could we call this place? Yidden pondered that question and no other answers came to mind.



This is not a Jewish story. It is, however, a story about Jews. One does not need to be Jewish to read this tale any more than one needs to be a Hobbit or an Elf to read Lord of the Rings. 


This story is a work of fiction. The setting for this tale is in the distant future, on the far away Planet Birobidzhan. This planet was settled by Jewish exiles from Planet Earth. 


The population of Planet Birobidzhan has been cut off from the Home Planet for a long  time. They have developed their own unique culture, traditions and linguistics. 


The language spoken on Planet Birobidzhan is primarily Yiddish. I have sprinkled a significant number of Yiddish words and phrases throughout the telling of the tale. I also refer to various Jewish religious and cultural touchstones. 


To make this story more accessible, I have included a glossary of words and phrases in Yiddish and Hebrew that are used as well as some explanations of religious terms and holidays. 


I hope that readers find  this to be useful.


The link to the Glossary is here:

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/a-useful-guide-glossary-to-planet.html?m=1



פּלאַנעט ביראָבידזשאַן


Do you want to read more about Planet Birobidzhan? Here are all the posted installments so far, in the order that they were posted. Just click your way through the story!


1 On A Planet Safe for Yidden

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/on-planet-safe-for-yidden.html


2 Yenne Velt: A History of Planet Birobidzhan

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/yenne-velt-history-of-planet-birobidzhan.html


3 Another Globe, Perhaps?

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/another-globe-perhaps.html


4 Bereshis: The Transport & Transformation of the Founders

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/03/bereshis-transport-transformation-of.html


5 The Town of First Landing

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/03/the-town-of-first-landing.html


6 A Personal History of an Early Settler on Planet Birobidzhan

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/05/a-personal-history-of-early-settler-on.html


7 Chickens, Jews Harps & Cronyism

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/07/cronyism.html


8 Dovid's Neshumeh

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/07/dovids-neshumeh.html


9 The Octogenarian and the Youngster

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/07/the-octogenarian-and-youngster.html


10 An Otherworldly Havdalah

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/an-otherworldly-havdalah.html


11 The Courtship & Marriage of Bathseba

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/the-courtship-marriage-of-bathseba.html


12 A Job, an Apartment & Two Honeymoons

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/a-job-apartment-two-honeymoons.html


13 The Pathway Into the Stars

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/the-pathway-into-stars.html


14 Abi Guzunt 

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/08/abi-guzunt.html


15 A Dozen or So…

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/10/a-dozen-or-so.html


16 Tamar's Sketchbook 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/11/tamars-sketchbook.html?m=1


17 An Apologetic Interlude in the Galactic Tale

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/11/an-apologetic-interlude-in-galactic-tale.html?m=1


18 Tamar's Mushrooms 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/11/tamars-mushrooms.html?m=1


19 Intergalactic Travel Can Not Be Done on the Cheap

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/12/intergalactic-travel-can-not-be-done-on.html?m=1


20 Unauthorized Fire on Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/12/unauthorized-fire-on-planet-birobidzhan.html?m=1


21 Tamar and the Klezmorim of Planet Birobidzhan

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/12/tamar-and-klezmorim-of-planet.html


22 Heresy, Flimflam and Death 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/12/heresy-flimflam-and-death.html?m=1


23 On a Distant Planet, An Apartment in the City by the Sea

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/on-distant-planet-apartment-in-city-by.html?m=1


24 The Girl with a Fiddle on Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-girl-with-fiddle-on-planet.html


25 Tamar and the Scholars of Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/tamar-and-scholars-of-planet-birobidzhan.html


26 The Tropics of Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-tropics-of-planet-birobidzhan.html


27 The Beaches and Coastal Shtetls of Planet Birobidzhan 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-beaches-and-coastal-shtetls-of.html


28 A Pre-launch Reunion 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/a-pre-launch-reunion.html


29 The Launch Was Imminent 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/the-launch-was-imminent.html


30 Liftoff Into the Unknown 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/liftoff-into-unknown.html


31 Across the Void, Down a Wormhole & Into the Snow

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/across-void-down-wormhole-into-snow.html


32 Flourishing on Planet Shney 

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/flourishing-on-planet-shney.html