21st Century Bogatyr: Tamar and the Scholars of Planet Birobidzhan

by Zvi Baranoff

Tea at Tamar's every mantik after shacharis became ritualistic for Baruch and Shmuli. The tea time often stretched into lunch. Sometimes the yeshiva bochers would daven mincha aun maariv at the apartment above the bakery.

Tamar introduced them to a variety of herbal teas that she brought home from the Herbal Apothecary as well as serving the more traditional tea that they were used to.

The yeshiva bochers were always a bit hungry and a few cookies or a shtikel of babka were well deserved calories and nutrients. In Tamar's apartment, there were always fresh pastries, provided by the landlord from the bakery below.

The dates that Tamar served were truly wonderful, a mechayeh. Sometimes, instead of dates, Tamar offered majoun, made from dates, nuts and hashish. Tamar's teas were an exotic experience. On special occasions there was schnapps.

Once in a while Tamar would tell her friends that she had received movie tickets from the club or dropped into her violin case while she was busking. On those occasions, the three friends would get together in the evening and walk to the nearby Bijou Theater.

At the movie theater, Tamar insisted on sitting between the two yeshiva bochers. In the darkened theater, Tamar would kick her shoes off and brush a stockinged foot casually against one or the other of her friends. Tamar would lean her shoulders against each of the bochers while passing the tub of popcorn.

Sometimes, in that darkened movie theater, Tamar grabbed one of the bochers by the knee when something dramatic happened on the screen or slid her palm down an inner thigh if the film was suspenseful. They each assumed themselves to be the only recipient of this sort of special attention. Both were too polite to mention such to the other.

Purim, of course, is on the fourteenth day of the month of Adar. On Planet Birobidzhan it is celebrated with a broad abandonment of social norms. This is all the more so in New New York, partially due to the subtropical latitude and balmy weather.

Even before the beginning of Adar, a degree of excitement and anticipation can be felt throughout the city. Majoun is sold in every grocery and neighborhood store. Masks and materials for costumes are everywhere. The annual Purim party in the streets of New New York is the biggest party of the year, on the entire planet.

The rabbinic authorities of New New York issue their annual admonishments concerning the holiday, discouraging public nudity and debauchery. The heads of each of the yeshivas also offer strict warnings to all of their students. The admonishments and warnings have no effect on how Purim is celebrated.

Tamar's anticipation of the celebration was amplified by her various undisclosed plans. Every aspect involved precise timing.

Tamar intended to leave New New York immediately after the holiday. She had told no one of of this beforehand. Shortly after the First of Adar, Tamar packed up her large collection of instruments, except for her violin, and all of her clothes that didn't fit in her rucksack. She shipped her things to her family home, via Moshe & Mendel's Jew Harp, Tsatske aun Muzik Krom, from their store in New New York to their store in First Landing.

The Wednesday before Purim, Tamar woke early. She fidgeted around the apartment for a while, with an air of anticipation. She was looking forward to meeting with Baruch and Shmuli on the street near where they eat lunch.

Right before leaving her apartment, Tamar wiggled the mezuzah that hung by her bedroom door, causing the top nail to fall out so that it was hanging loosely, upside-down by the bottom nail. She smiled to herself. She skipped across her living room and headed down the stairs.

Tamar set up on her regular mitvokh corner to play her violin. She arrived earlier than usual. She played with, perhaps, more spirit and more passionately than usual. The crowd of listeners was larger than normal and her violin case filled with banknotes.

Tamar kept looking off to her left, where Baruch and Shmuli always come from. She kept visualizing their presence on the street as if wishing it to be so would bring them sooner. When the yeshiva bochers approached, Tamar stopped playing mid song and spoke to them breathlessly.

"I was so hoping that you would come today," she said as if there was anything unusual about them walking down that street after mitvokh lunch at their usual delicatessen. "I have a problem. I need your help," Tamar said emphatically as she packed up her violin.

The yeshiva bochers were concerned and assured Tamar that they would help her in any way they could. They asked her what was bothering her.

Tamar took a deep breath and spoke directly to the two young men, looking from one face to another, deeply into their eyes.

"A mezuzah in my apartment has fallen halfway off. It is hanging upside down by the bottom nail. It needs to be reattached. I want to be sure that it is hung correctly." Tamar sighed.

"Can you help me? Please?" Tamar smiled wanly at her two friends. What else could they do but follow Tamar back to the apartment above the bakery to lend their assistance and expertise.

Along the way, Baruch and Shmuli bickered over the laws and customs concerning the proper care and display of a mezuzah. There is the matter of the exact angle and if a berakhah needs to be said and what to do if the scroll has been damaged. They presented positions and counterpoints, quoting holy books, arguing the whole way there. Tamar walked ahead of them, smiling in anticipation of her unfolding plan.

Of course, the yeshiva bochers, once they were in the apartment, made short work of the repairs. Tamar thanked them profusely and suggested a small glass of whiskey to drink l'chaim and in honor of the mitzvah performed.

The young men were really not used to drinking whiskey. They were much more accustomed to the less potent schnapps, but under the circumstances they could not refuse.

The three friends, said a berakhah, drank l'chaim and l'chaim once more. Tamar suggested that they have tea and perhaps a little something to eat. "After all," she said, "it is still early in the day." Of course, Baruch and Shmuli acquiesced.

Tamar served majoun and an herbal tea concoction and continued to refill their whiskey glasses. Time became irrelevant as the various substances took effect. When the clock showed that it was time to daven mincha aun maariv, the young men could barely stand as they mumbled their way through the prayers.

The whiskey had Baruch and Shmuli sloshed. The hashish in the majoun distorted their sense of time. The herbal concoctions that Tamar served kept them awake and increased their strength and stamina in ways that they had never anticipated. As the night unfolded, Baruch and Shmuli became detached from the world that they knew. Everything seemed as if to be a dream.

Tamar asked the yeshiva bochers if they would like to see her Purim costume. She said that she wanted their opinions as to the propriety of the costume that she had chosen.

While Baruch and Shmuli sat on the living room sofa in a quite unfamiliar haze, Tamar turned down the electric lights and lit an aromatic candle, placing it on a shelf. Tamar then went into her bedroom to change.

When Tamar returned, she was wearing little besides gauze. Soon after that, she was wearing even less. Tamar knew that she was ovulating. The moment to fulfill that specific destiny was upon her. The two yeshiva bochers sat on the sofa, transfixed. They were both beyond rational thought.

When Baruch and Shmuli descended the apartment stairs and stumbled into the streets of Seaside Mea Shearim, morning was already approaching. The yeshiva bochers choose to daven shacharis in the privacy of their apartment. They skipped their regular Thursday minyan and Toyre reading.

Tamar wrapped herself in a comfortable bathrobe. She was absolutely sure that she was pregnant with twins. She was quite confident that both Baruch and Shmuli were very fertile and that their seeds were well placed.

Tamar brewed herself a cup of soothing herbal tea and sipped it contentedly while sitting on the sofa surrounded by fluffy pillows. Tamar stroked her abdomen and smiled.

This is not a Jewish story. It is, however, a story about Jews. One does not need to be Jewish to read this tale any more than one needs to be a Hobbit or an Elf to read Lord of the Rings.

This story is a work of fiction. The setting for this tale is in the distant future, on the far away Planet Birobidzhan. This planet was settled by Jewish exiles from Planet Earth.

The population of Planet Birobidzhan has been cut off from the Home Planet for a long time. They have developed their own unique culture, traditions and linguistics.

The language spoken on Planet Birobidzhan is primarily Yiddish. I have sprinkled a significant number of Yiddish words and phrases throughout the telling of the tale. I also refer to various Jewish religious and cultural touchstones.

To make this story more accessible, I have included a glossary of words and phrases in Yiddish and Hebrew that are used as well as some explanations of religious terms and holidays.

I hope that readers find this to be useful.

The link to the Glossary is here:

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/a-useful-guide-glossary-to-planet.html?m=1

פּלאַנעט ביראָבידזשאַן

Do you want to read more about Planet Birobidzhan? Here are all the installments so far, in the order that they were posted. Just click your way through the story!

1 On A Planet Safe for Yidden

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/on-planet-safe-for-yidden.html

2 Yenne Velt: A History of Planet Birobidzhan

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/yenne-velt-history-of-planet-birobidzhan.html

3 Another Globe, Perhaps?

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/another-globe-perhaps.html

4 Bereshis: The Transport & Transformation of the Founders

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/03/bereshis-transport-transformation-of.html

5 The Town of First Landing

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/03/the-town-of-first-landing.html

6 A Personal History of an Early Settler on Planet Birobidzhan

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/05/a-personal-history-of-early-settler-on.html