21st Century Bogatyr: Unauthorized Fire on Planet Birobidzhan

by Zvi Baranoff

Dovid had an extended and ongoing relationship with the Mushrooms of Planet Birobidzhan, finding them in wild places and consuming them where they grow. Most likely he was the only person to ever have eaten them until his young daughter Tamar heard the Mushrooms calling her. No one had cultivated the fungi before Tamar.

Der Profesor was the first person to be introduced to the cultivated Mushrooms of Planet Birobidzhan. Following his first session consuming the fleshy mushrooms, he was very sure that Tamar and Dovid had discovered a powerful and useful tool. He was also absolutely sure that an uncharted and quite dangerous social terrain was being engaged.

After the hypnotic phase had ended and some semblance of normal consciousness had returned, Der Profesor entered his personal quarters and sat in his chair surrounded by books. This is where Dovid found his mentor, with a tome in his lap.

"We risk the wrath of those that won't understand," Der Profesor said to Dovid without looking up from his book. Then, after a long pause, he said "Aish Zerah" in Hebrew and then "Fremd Feyer" in Yiddish.

"We damn well better get some rabbis aligned with us before the mushrooms become common knowledge." With that, he closed his book and went to bed, leaving Dovid alone in his study.

Dovid picked up Der Profesor's volume, a copy of the Tanakh. The Book opened to

Vayikra, what the Greeks called Leviticus.

Dovid read about the brothers Nadab and Abihu and their misadventure with a Foreign Fire. Moshe's nephews, Aaron's oldest sons, were consumed by a Heavenly flame for their audacity in starting a small unauthorized fire.

Dovid knew that they ran a greater risk from religious zealots than Heavenly wrath, especially on Planet Birobidzhan which seems to be beyond any Heavenly Concern. Der Profesor was right that they would need their own rabbis. A minimum of three, to be exact.

Planet Birobidzhan was awash with rabbis. Most likely, the plethora of rabbinic authorities is what had kept Planet Birobidzhan from becoming a theocracy.

With so many rabbis holding so many vastly different opinions on every possible issue, Planet Birobidzhan was assured that there was never an unanimous position on anything. None of these had the authority to give orders to any of the rest.

If there had been significantly less rabbis, the rabbinic courts might have wielded considerably more potentially destructive power. On Planet Birobidzhan, rabbis were plentiful and individually carried very little weight. Additionally, there are always lots of rabbis for hire.

Any three rabbis were, at least in theory, able to constitute a rabbinic court. If there were an assuredly sympathetic rabbinic court essentially on call, that would counterbalance any potential adverse effects of other rabbis and their courts.

Two days later the corporation had six rabbis on the payroll, a few extra just in case. Then, both Dovid and Der Profesor felt secure enough to invite others to learn from the Mushrooms of Planet Birobidzhan.

Invitations for initiates to partake in consuming the Mushrooms of Planet Birobidzhan were only extended to those directly involved with the remodeling of the Hatikvah transport ship and those that planned on joining the expedition.

With the guidance of the fungi, the project moved steadily forward. Distant constellations began to feel far more accessible and much closer.

This is not a Jewish story. It is, however, a story about Jews. One does not need to be Jewish to read this tale any more than one needs to be a Hobbit or an Elf to read Lord of the Rings.

This story is a work of fiction. The setting for this tale is in the distant future, on the far away Planet Birobidzhan. This planet was settled by Jewish exiles from Planet Earth.

The population of Planet Birobidzhan has been cut off from the Home Planet for a long time. They have developed their own unique culture, traditions and linguistics.

The language spoken on Planet Birobidzhan is primarily Yiddish. I have sprinkled a significant number of Yiddish words and phrases throughout the telling of the tale. I also refer to various Jewish religious and cultural touchstones.

To make this story more accessible, I have included a glossary of words and phrases in Yiddish and Hebrew that are used as well as some explanations of religious terms and holidays.

I hope that readers find this to be useful.

The link to the Glossary is here:

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2023/01/a-useful-guide-glossary-to-planet.html?m=1

פּלאַנעט ביראָבידזשאַן

Do you want to read more about Planet Birobidzhan? Here are all the installments so far, in the order that they were posted. Just click your way through the story!

1 On A Planet Safe for Yidden

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/on-planet-safe-for-yidden.html

2 Yenne Velt: A History of Planet Birobidzhan

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/yenne-velt-history-of-planet-birobidzhan.html

3 Another Globe, Perhaps?

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/02/another-globe-perhaps.html

4 Bereshis: The Transport & Transformation of the Founders

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/03/bereshis-transport-transformation-of.html

5 The Town of First Landing

https://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/03/the-town-of-first-landing.html

6 A Personal History of an Early Settler on Planet Birobidzhan

http://21stcenturybogatyr.blogspot.com/2022/05/a-personal-history-of-early-settler-on.html